Don't Be Fooled ...

We may seem to be quiet but we are actually thinking ...

We Are Coming

Gird your loins.

Replenish your optics.

The poets are coming!

Eri'c Poetry

He does but we would have to wear wigs.

Do ...

... limericks count?

Ooooh

*licks the end of a pencil*

poems ... that's it ... knew I had forgotten something ...

Yet Another Eddie Gibbons Lookalike

Playlist

Copies of the Aligees playlist are winging their way through cyberspace.

Poets are beavering.

Ideas are hatching.

In less than three weeks we take the stage.

Cor.

Here's Our Card

Elaboration

Guinness
Cake
Monkfish Tails
Wine
Dancing
Wine
Talking
Wine

Rehearsing

Meeting writers

More of above

Repeat to point of exhaustion

What The Alis Weren't Prepared For

Ali: I'll give him his Laudanum.
Ali: But what about his Preparation H?
Alis: *whistle nervously and stare at the ceiling*

Aside

Ali: is it time for G's medication?

Aligees in Rehearsal - Scene #12

G: What's the difference between 2 Alis and a terrorist?
Alis: uh?
G: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Aligees in Rehearsal - Scene #11

G: OK, which genius forgot to bring a bog roll?
Ali: Stop moaning - there's a pile of your books on the cistern.
Ali: That's what we've been using.
Ali: It was so considerate of your publisher to have the pages perforated.

Aligees in Rehearsal - Scene #10

An Ali: But it hath no public transport on the Sabbath.

G: Should I wear a black polo neck jumper for gigs,
or my 'Young, Free and Pringle' golf sweater?

A Ali: Golf's wetter in winter.

A Different Ali: It's time to close the curtains on this session.

Aligees in Rehearsal - Scene #9

Ali: We are not philosophers - we are poets. Our only aim is to be mad, bad and dangerous to know. Or is that dangerously mad and bad to know? We go to Ullapool because it's got three hells, two ohs, a pee and a ewe.

Aligees in Rehearsal - Scene #8

G: The burning question of the day is: what is the Aligees philosophy?
What is our Raisin Debt? Why are we doing this? Who's paying for it? Whose round is it?

Aligees In Rehearsal - Scene # 7

Other Ali - *Gins and scribbles*

Aligees in Rehearsal - Scene #6

G: *dribbles, scores and grins*
1-0

Aligees In Rehearsal - Scene # 5

Ali: *grins and dribbles*

The Aligees in Rehearsal - Scene #4

G: I'm surrounded by idiots!

The Aligees In Rehearsal Scene - # 3

In a cottage in Ullapool. There are no modes of public transport passing.

Ali - psst Ali
Ali - *looks up from typing at laptop*
Ali - why does &G persist in characterising us as hard drinking mean muthas?
Ali - hmm - is it how he'd like to see us?
Ali - perhaps *runs finger along sole of doc marten*
Ali - fancy a G&T?
Ali - why not?

The Aligees in Rehearsal - Scene #2

G: They say every poet has a sliver of ice in the core of his heart.
Ali: My sliver’s in the core of my whisky.
Other Ali: Hi Ho Sliver, I’ll drink to that.
G: How are we going to rehearse if you two are permanently pissed?
Ali 1: We are going to rehearse pissed because we give the readings pissed.
Ali 2: We couldn’t get on stage and bear our soles if we were sober.
G: Souls, that should be souls.
Ali 2: No - SOLES.
The soles of my Doc Martens in your stupid Scouse gob.

The Aligees in Rehearsal - Scene #1

Ali: So, here we are then.
Ali: Shall I put the kettle on?
G: Do you think it will suit you?
Alis: *uck *ff back to Liverp**l you usel*ss Sc*use g*t.
G: Have you ironed my shirts yet?
Alis: *uck *ff back to Liverp**l you usel*ss Sc*use g*t.
G: What shall we do to entertain the troops?
Ali: Tie you to a wheel and throw knives?
Ali: Form a pyramid?

Stop Press...

Special guests at our Fringe De La Aberdeen Wordfringe gig in the Jazz Bar, Edinburgh, will be Peter Daddy Hoodie Burnett on guitar and larynx, and Mr. Sean Bradley, doyen of Thirsty Books, who will be reciting poems scribed by his own fair keyboard.

Drink might be involved.

Guests are reminded that the turns cannot accept invitations for them to buy a round, as refusal often offends.

Interesting Facts About The Poets #3

Alison Dunne's poem'How To Build A Father', cunningly retitled 'How To Build A Man' was nominated for the Pushcart Prize in 2003.

When she discovered what the Pushcart Prize was she felt delighted.

Now the poem is the subject of a blog competition.

Fanagrams

#1 Eleanor Rigby

A lonely girl lays alone
in an ebony bier.
No George or Ringo
linger near.


#2 Leonard Cohen

A Canada Donne
honed a coded chord
and anchored an ache.


#3 Marilyn Monroe

A neon memory:
Rimmel eye liner,
nylon élan;
a Romeo enroller
(amor on amyl),
lay in a lonely room.
A Miller memoir -
no Norma anymore.


#4 Charles Bukowski

Sick lecher or slick hero?
No rosebush -
he howls, wails, sulks.

Alehouse brawler;
whore abuser who wrecks Buicks.

Raw oral shocker - he swears,
bickers, bawls.

Biro-sucker slouch:
cruel, bleak, crass.

A halo-hacker:
his work kicks ass.


Eddie Gibbons

Interesting Facts About The Poets #2

Eddie Gibbons works as a Subsea Designer
in the Oil Biz. He uses AutoCAD to design
Downhole Tools which incorporate
Slick Joints, Space Out Subs, Ball,
Flapper and Bleed Off Valves.
The Downhole Tools fit in a BOP Stack.
All the parts need a FAT Certificate.

Time and Again

thi cloak
oan thi waw
sesitz timety

get thi bairnz reddy
get thi hoos tidy
get thi messijis in
get thi tee oan
get inty bed
an gee um hiz conjuggles

thur wizza time when
I

naw thur wizny


Alison Flett

David Morley's Boots

The Poet is wearing Doc Martens.
You are wearing Doc Martens - from eBay.
The Poet is an academic.
You are not an academic but have 2 A levels.
The poet has at least 2 A levels for
he runs the Creative Writing Dept.
of a respected university.
You run an old Peugeot.
The Poet may have a bike.
The poet definitely has a wife.
You do not have a wife - you
are not married at all.
The Poet's got a nice suit -
a good weight shirt - white - no tie.
His Doc Martens look like he bought them new
not from a woman in Pwhllheli
the unofficial capital of the Lyn Peninsula
who described them as 'gently worn'.

Alison Dunne

(who recently attended a workshop run by David Morley.)

Interesting Facts About The Poets # 1

Alison Flett was the winner of the Hi Arts Hogmanay short story 2006.

Alison's story explores 'the horror and fear of domestic violence and isolation and is a vivid, sometimes shocking contemporary take on the notion of the 'ghost story'.'

You can read it too. If you dare ...

Hugh Reed Without His Underpants

The upstart singer of the now-defunct Glasgow Skiffle Group, Hugh Reed and the Velvet Underpants has once again tried to upstage me! On hearing that I was forming a new boygirl poetry band he went on a recruitment drive to enlist unsuspecting young ladies into his new Glasgow Piffle Group, Hugh Reed and the Touching the Velvet Underpants. Nice try, Hugh, la - but I bet they think a villanelle is a gangsters moll!

pants

Legal Notice

In keeping with Ms Lucy Ellmann,
Ms Alison Flett is currently a broad.

- Messrs Strombo, Shotty & Minger
Procurators Fiscal.

A Serious Poem About Art...

Frames

He met her
at the Art Gallery.

Made eyes at her
across a Caravaggio.

Saw her framed
against a Miro.

Watched her glide along
an avenue of Monets.

She saw him standing

like a prick
between two Pollocks.


Eddie Gibbons

(Ignores the whining post below)

Statement

Alison Dunne would like to scotch the rumour that the people who write most about sex are the ones who aren't getting any.

But she can't.

Poem in Absentia...

Respecting Literature in Schools

thur books
ur offy
hardty reed

thay hate yi
ti brake
thi spine

if thay catch yi
thay pool it
ooty yir hanz
an hammur thi hard ej
doon oan yir heed

yi hufty sit strate
wi it oapin
nae mair than 30 digreez
peerin inty thi shaddy
it thi sentir
trine tay make oot
whit it sayz


Alison Flett

(This poem was the Scottish Arts
Council's 'Scots Poem of the Month'
for March 2005)
(Posted by Eddie Gibbons because
Ms Flett is too busy WRITING to even
look at this website! Grrrrrrr!)

Old Piece Not About Moths...

Why Buses Come In Threes

The first bus leaves the depot on time,
picks up all the passengers
and drops them all off.

The second bus leaves the depot on time,
but now has fewer passengers to pick up
and so catches up with the first bus.

The third bus leaves from no depot.
It has no driver.
It glows a venomous green
and is made of pure spite.


Eddie Gibbons

(This poem was chosen as The Scottish Arts
Council's 'Poem of the Month' for August 2003)

Old Piece Not About Sex ...

Eating Orange

You have eaten oranges the same way
at thirteen you would peel segment then
strip away removing every string of pith
and the bare fruit on the arm of the chair
lined just so - curve behind curve behind
curve. By seventeen - a wicked age
you'd take the biggest kitchen knife
cutting exactly those great rolling juice
balloons. You'd suck and tear at those
rip out the flesh, til inside out, picked
clean skins like old bra cups
lay hollow and immodest by you.
Now you don't eat oranges, they're
too large. All that excessive juice!
You don't enjoy spray in your throat
how your mouth corners sting - though
unbuttoned you might allow yourself
the odd, unassuming satsuma.


Alison Dunne

(this poem was broadcast on Poetry Please and appeared on a National Poetry day postcard for Leicestershire Libraries.)

Thrilling Old Pieces

Topics include:

wee dugs
cobbulz
aunties
moths
oranges
vikings

Thrilling New Pieces

We are working on some new pieces for our world premiere in Aberdeen.

Topics include:

sex

We Have A MySpace

Well, it's OurSpace.

And we have friends already ...

Catch Us At Wordfringe

We will be unveiling ourselves at Aberdeen Wordfringe on May 17th 2007.

Catch the world premiere!

It may involve lunchboxes and tissues.

Poster Girls & Boys

Who Are They?

These 2 Ali's and this G?

Where have they come from?

And more importantly ... where are they going?

Watch this space ....